Looking through the list of Wayne Rooney’s 53 England goals is like scouring Eastern Europe on Google Maps in search of a relatively untouched stag destination.
Five against San Marino. Three versus Kazakhstan. Two each against Estonia, Belarus and Slovenia.
The only nation you would truly describe as elite that he scored more than once against is Brazil. Twice. In two friendlies.
Only seven of the goals came in major tournaments – 13 per cent of his total. Only one at a World Cup finals, when it really matters.
The decision to hand Rooney virtually a testimonial in Thursday’s friendly against the USA has been contentious.
This is not a slight on Rooney: he did not ask for this match and has made no demands whatsoever.
At odds with new direction
The announcement was completely at odds with the direction Southgate has taken this England team, since he shocked us with that young side which drew with Croatia and beat Spain, a match which included one of the most impressive 45 minutes the team have played for decades .
It turns into an exhibition a match which should be preparation for a Nations League match against Croatia on Sunday which can mean the difference between winning or being relegated from an incredibly tough Nations League group, which also includes Spain.
That, in Uefa’s tortuous qualification road to Euro 2020, which almost requiries a PhD in probabilities to understand, can have an effect on England’s chances of reaching the finals.
Southgate said that the Rooney idea – not his, obviously – was inspired by Germany’s tribute to Lukas Podolski in a friendly against England in 2017.
Yet Podolski won a World Cup, came third in it twice, reached a European Championship final and the semi-finals twice.
Rooney made a handful of quarter-finals, his sending off in the 2006 World Cup partly to blame for England’s defeat by Portugal.
There was that time he was sent off for kicking Miodrag Dzudovic in England’s final qualifier for Euro 2012, subsequently missing the first two games of the tournament.
And then there was the 2014 World Cup and Euro 2016 – one of the lowest ebbs in England’s history.
England’s party line
Ever the politician, Southgate has toed the party line. It is, as he has said, an opportunity to show some recognition to England’s record goalscorer.
Other former England players who could make excellent coaches or future England managers – Rio Ferdinand springs to mind – have mentioned the lack of contact from the FA since they retired.
It is also a chance for the younger players, some of whom had just started school when he made his England debut at 17, to see Rooney in the flesh.
But, equally, Southgate could have invited Rooney to join him as a coach for the meeting, just to see how committed he really was.
Jadon Sancho, set for his first England start, was the first player born this millennium to play for England. A few weeks later, Rooney will become the second, after David Beckham, to come out of the MLS retirement home to pull on the shirt.
Rooney is clearly still a draw: the announcement of his inclusion, even though he will only appear as a substitute towards the end, put on around 20,000 ticket sales for a friendly that has not inspired the masses.
But they will still be some 25,000 short of Wembley’s 90,000 capacity, suggesting that, probably due to the move across the Atlantic to DC United, the 33-year-old is no longer Hollywood box office.
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