I’m not convinced by the great Thomas Tuchel myth

ATLANTA — Three Lions at full-time. Harry Kane embraced by teammates and manager. Thousands and thoussands of England supporters, beery and dancing thousands and thousands of miles from home. Squint and wince a little and you can just about persuade yourself that it was designed this way. The first bars of Wonderwall sound out and the lump in your throat comes out to play.

England fight, crawl, force their way on. Somehow, some way. And by some way, we mean: Harry Kane is the best English striker of all time and the best striker in the world right now. England are the Kane team because their captain is magnificent and this is increasingly the World Cup of superstar attackers.

England are also having to be the Harry Kane team because their manager has us all in a muddle. The result may be king in major tournaments, but my goodness it is just as well because England are a mess on most levels. We wrote after the group stage that we couldn’t tell if this team is good or not. Anyone got better answers?

There was a period in the first half, shortly after a fourth England player in 10 minutes had passed the ball straight out of play, when I looked down at my notes. The general gist was this: the defence looked alarmingly fragile and Jordan Pickford seemed spooked by it. The attack was non-existent because the wingers were offering nothing. And the entire team seemed devoid of belief. But apart from that…

The generous spin is that this is merely more of the same but change is coming. Enlarge the World Cup to 48 teams and the first knockout match becomes an extension of the groups. DR Congo played roughly the same role as Ghana and Panama but actually took advantage of their counter-attack. England struggled to break a team down until they did. Call it a five-team group and England have topped it.

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And the pervading narrative of England’s tournament is that they will be better when they face better opposition. That would have been the great tragedy of losing to DR Congo: not getting to see English attackers inevitably making hay and taking liberties in all that space in behind that elite opponents would definitely give us for a laugh.

As you can tell, I’m not convinced. This notion that England are a coiled spring waiting for space and time and freedom is a fun one – and at least slightly reassuring – but watching this defence against the best attacking players in the world should be enough to make you feel sick. In an open contest England may well create more from open play. The full-backs are also a mess because Tuchel went weird with his selection and Ezri Konsa looks jumpy.

The last manager protected an average defence that was the weak point of the team and England became boring to the point of fault. It went too far. Tuchel is ostensibly doing mostly the same but without the defensive protection bit. England are ragged in their own half and compact in the opposition’s. It is an odd, unattractive mix.

The obvious retort lies within that criticism: this is just what Southgate did. And… maybe. But this was supposed to be the start of a new era during which added an elite winner to the pile of goodwill Southgate had banked. Instead, this has been a mash up of 2022 and 2024. It doesn’t feel different yet despite so much having changed. That’s hard to process and harder to trust.

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It is at least still working, just about, because Kane is brilliant and because England’s substitute wingers are better than every other country, particularly true while Bukayo Saka can’t start. If nothing else it’s nice to have wide players crossing with their stronger feet. Anthony Gordon got two assists.

So we can save the worst of the opprobrium for now. Let’s hope that it is never needed. But England now face Mexico in Mexico: far harder, far more altitude, far better opponent, far more febrile atmosphere.

If the theory holds, England will be better against better. The worry from Atlanta that won’t leave this brain: what if better are better against us and we’re already living on the edge of incompetence?



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