NEW JERSEY — The soundtrack to this World Cup is not Brazilian samba rhythms, ersatz American “soccer” chants or even the Scottish bagpipes that seemed to bewitch Bostonians last week.
No, if you are sitting through this tournament in a living room – or you are one of the wealthy or lucky few who manage to get into one of the stadiums – it is the squeak of Sir David Beckham’s Estuary accent.
Now it is not news that Beckham is a star. He was recently crowned Britain’s first billionaire athlete, with an estimated fortune of some £1.3bn. But it is truly staggering just how big his brand remains in the US – and how freely he uses it to flog stuff he surely knows nothing about.
You see, the man once known as “Goldenballs” is everywhere at this World Cup.
When he is not turning up at stadiums – beamed on the big screen glugging red wine in Miami while watching Scotland the day after he was pictured in Boston for England’s draw with Ghana – he is omnipresent in the many advertising breaks that feature on FOX.
Think this is an exaggeration? It really isn’t. At the last count he is involved in eight campaigns during this tournament, for Home Depot, Lenovo, Lay’s, Bank of America, Adidas, McDonald’s, Pepsi and Verizon. And the adverts replay endlessly, each one more excruciating than the next.
For Home Depot he plays an everyman, rolling a trolley through a DIY store, buying saws and constructing beehives, just like you or I would. The advert concludes in his fake back garden with a big screen and a mini football pitch, Beckham reclining on a seat to watch the big game.
Except you and I know he would be too busy suckling at Fifa’s teat to do something quite as normal as “building it like Beckham.”
The Bank of America adverts are even worse. Think this is about flogging bank accounts? Try again.
He is “inspiring the youth of the nation to create a soccer legacy”, which means slow motion footage of kids playing football, frothy monologues and an oh-so-serious-mission that has nothing to do with the huge cheque landing in his bank.
I could go on. There is another one where he goes through a McDonald’s drive-through praying he will get himself as one of the limited edition number of “World Cup legend” plastic cups that come with a Big Mac meal.
I don’t suppose American audiences will quibble but legend? He got that penalty against Argentina in 2002, I suppose.
But England never made it further than a quarter-final with him as captain and that era is best remembered as a generation where there were too many egos desperate to make it all about themselves. So perhaps little has changed on that front.
Beckham’s love of playing for his country is not up for debate so he got a good reception on Tuesday, as you would expect from a majority English crowd. But he would not get away with this sort of all-out advertising assault at home.
Which is why, you suspect, he has concentrated on the US market like a real-life version of Bill Murray’s character flogging Japanese whiskey for millions of dollars in Lost in Translation.
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Surely, though, even American audiences will tire of Becks by the end of this super-sized World Cup. There are only so many times you watch him eat Lay’s crisps before you wonder whether he really needs the money.
The saddest thing is the most talked-about Beckham advert out here is not actually David’s. Instead, it is the one his son Brooklyn filmed for fast food delivery company Doordash, in which he seems to be monetising the schism that has developed with his dad by sending the World Cup tickets they had together “somewhere fun”, that has garnered much buzz.
Apparently he got $1m for the spot. Proof that he is a chip off the old block, even if the pair are not talking.
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