The Man Utd ‘guru’ who sums up the club’s utter delusion

Pictures of Michael Carrick arriving before dawn at Carrington accompanied by assistant Jonathan Woodgate felt appropriate, the early start satisfying the need for urgency and commitment.

The pair at least look like they know what they are doing, ardent, serious, the equivalent of navy seals parachuting onto the deck of a rogue vessel masquerading as a legitimate football club.

Their arrival was accompanied by something less convincing, a statement from the hitherto mute director of football Jason Wilcox. It came via the club website, and read like an AI-generated word salad that said nothing yet told us everything.

“Michael is an excellent coach and knows exactly what it takes to win at Manchester United. He is ready to lead our talented and determined group of players for the remainder of the season as we continue to build the club towards regular and sustained success.”

What the supporters of Manchester United want and deserve from Wilcox is honesty and authenticity, not script culled from a “good luck in your new job” card.

“Michael is an excellent coach”. Really? He is a coach who has never held a senior role in the Premier League beyond three matches as caretaker. He has, however, been sacked, perhaps his only relevant experience given the frequency with which United engage the guillotine.

“He knows exactly what it takes to win at Manchester United.” Here we go again, peddling the significance of connection that has no bearing on the role. Wilcox is trading in fortune cookie wisdom here.

That Carrick had success as a player at United does not qualify him to coach the team. Sir Bobby Charlton was arguably the greatest Englishman to play for the club yet failed miserably to communicate his understanding of the game in his capacity as a coach at Preston North End.

Michael Carrick is just the next scapegoat off the rank (Photo: Getty)

And now for the best bit. “Our talented and determined group of players”. Who might they be, sir? Joshua Zirkzee? Diogo Dalot, perhaps? Manuel Ugarte? Patrick Dorgu? Which one of these is starting for a serious rival?

As for “we continue to build the club towards regular and sustained success”, we can put that straight in the bin. This is a team that since the beginning of November has surrendered points at home to Wolves, Bournemouth, West Ham and Everton and failed to beat Burnley, Leeds, Tottenham and Nottingham Forest on the road.

However you characterise performance at United, “regular and sustained success” does not feature. And whatever adjectives you might use to describe this squad, none ring more hollow than “talented” and “determined”.

Carrick’s appointment is the consequence of a programme delivering failure not high performance. The club is not building towards success but oblivion. It is led not by visionaries but acolytes making it up on the hoof. Steve Holland is coach. Some of the England lads like him. Let’s give him a go.

Carrick’s first engagement is against Manchester City, the first game of the Premier League weekend. Any United fans who saw how easily City ran through Newcastle at St James’s Park in the first leg of the Carabao Cup semi-final, and with a makeshift defence to boot, will be making their entreaties to a higher authority before the derby.

Then it’s off to league-leaders Arsenal. It seems light years since the opening game of the season when Ruben Amorim was selling a narrow 1-0 home defeat to Arsenal as progress. Defeat is defeat however narrow, and the improvements he claimed proved illusory.

Carrick is left to sift through the debris for vital signs with only spurious links to the past offering any hope that he might somehow make a fist of it. His appointment is hocus pocus masquerading as insight and wisdom.

United are being led into combat against the greatest coach of the age by a Premier League novice with a squad barely good enough for City’s bench. This is the reality created by Wilcox and his Ineos masters. Carrick is just the next scapegoat off the rank, albeit an interim version.



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