It is a good bet that more people tuned in to Sunday’s football match between Watford and Crystal Palace to see whether the home side’s mascot Harry the Hornet would invent a new obscene gesture in front of the visiting manager Roy Hodsgon than those who were interested in the result.
Because – and the mere fact this is even being written is a strong indication that the game has indeed gone – the build-up was dominated by Hodgson’s excessive and frankly hilarious anger over the mascot’s mickey-taking of Wilfried Zaha last season.
According to Hodgson, the act of diving to highlight the Palace forward’s perceived precarious hold on the art of balancing was a “disgrace”. As if a little gentle ribbing was worse than deliberately trying to deceive a referee into giving a free-kick.
Strong word
It was a strong word to use. Indeed, a quick Google search of the news stories that contained it on the day of the game revealed tales of Canadian conservatives riled at the removal of statues of the country’s first Prime Minister (who had a few skeletons in his closet), the state of an Australian prison, Donald Trump squealing his displeasure at his campaign team all being criminals and an Alan Moore comic which lays the blame for the Grenfell fire disaster at Boris Johnson’s cuts as London mayor.
All pretty heavy stuff. None of which contain a man in an insect suit poking fun at a football player.
And with good reason. There are a good many things in the world – and even the world of sport – that are a disgrace, but highlighting a football player’s occasional habit of going down easily is not one of them.
Harry himself looked utterly remorse-free on Sunday, as he strutted on to the Vicarage Road pitch, mimicking the elbows-out, quasi-Dick-van-Dyke victory walk that the mixed martial arts fighter Conor McGregor does after sparking out his opponent.
Harry the Hornet keeping a low profile
pic.twitter.com/5JzeyhDH5R
— Geoff Doyle (@GeoffDoyle1) August 26, 2018
And so he should. He is a man dressed as a tough version of a bee. But the question which has been nagging me most of the weekend is this: why had Hodgson got so ticked off by the mascot, who looks the epitome of cuddly, with his large, round cartoon face, eyebrows that give the impression of needy melancholy, massive feet and soft, floppy antennae?
(I have just read that sentence back and am shaking my head in disbelief that the words “soft, floppy antennae” have been included in a sports article. Thanks a bunch, Roy.)
Perhaps he needed to deflect attention from the fact that Palace are lacking in guile and luck, even this early in the season.
Frustration
Maybe a staff member had taken the last tea bag, or parked in his space (both acts which deserve the term “disgrace”) and he was taking out his frustration and fury.
But if the Palace manager had let it lie, then nobody would be talking about Zaha – and perhaps the man himself may not have earned a booking (which could have easily been a red card) for his rash and unnecessary challenge on Jose Holebas on Sunday.
And in turn, we would have switched on Super Sunday for the football, rather than the vain hope of witnessing Harry the Hornet knee-sliding in front of Hodgson, middle fingers raised and yelling, “Have some of that, owl-face!” when Watford scored.
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