Scotland suffer ‘Kazakh-strophe’ as first Euro 2020 qualifier ends in disaster

A miserable European qualifier against Kazakhstan in -4°C. This is exactly the sort of football match that Scotland fans have become accustomed to in recent years. With the Scottish national team failing to reach a major tournament since France ‘98, frozen qualifiers in post-Soviet successor states have become central to the Tartan Army experience. Blue legs, windswept chicken skin and serious shrinkage under the kilt: these are the symptoms associated with supporting Scotland over land and sea.

Will this qualification process be any different? It would be fair to say that McLeishball (McLeishismo, for the hipsters) has always had its detractors, while Scotland were clearly going to be up against it in their attempts to navigate a group containing Belgium and Russia and so avoid the perils of the Nations League play-offs. The Tartan Army seemed to be in an optimistic mood when they arrived at the Astana Arena, though the city of Astana had just been renamed ‘Nursultan’ after outgoing president Nursultan Nazarbayev, this in recognition of almost 30 years of crushing authoritarianism.

Previously called Akmola, Astana (meaning “capital city” in Kazakh) was last renamed in 1998. That should have served as an ominous reminder that a lot of history has happened since Scotland were last represented in a major international competition.

Bad start, worse ending

The cheerful optimism among the travelling Scotland fans came to an end almost immediately. With five minutes on the clock, a neat long ball over the top caught Scott McKenna cold and allowed Astana (soon to be named Nursultan FC?) midfielder Yuriy Pertsukh to get into the box, where he executed a fantastic volleyed finish past Celtic goalkeeper Scott Bain. Barely five minutes later, Yan Vorogovskiy slid in at the far post to make it 2-0 to Kazakhstan. Forget Belgium and Russia, Scotland were now being absolutely battered by the team ranked 117th in the world.

If I don't see the phrase "Kazakh-strophe" in a headline before tomorrow, I'll be very disappointed.

— Luke Ginnell (@HeavyFirstTouch) March 21, 2019

Prior to this, Kazakhstan’s last victory in a competitive qualifier had come against Latvia in October 2015. Scotland huffed and puffed in an effort to get back into the game, but their defence struggled with even the most speculative punts upfield and their attack looked hopelessly disjointed. Midway through the second half, Kazakhstan struck again through FC Rostov forward Baktiyar Zaynutdinov after a telegraphed cross-field ball came to him at the far post and he headed home. The collapse was complete, with Scotland’s best chance coming in the form of a scuffed shot from James Forrest just after Kazakhstan’s third.

McLeish mauled

While Alex McLeish may point to the fact that he was unable to field his strongest team against the Kazakhs – Andy Robertson was left out after having dental surgery, Kieran Tierney was sidelined with a hip problem, veteran goalkeeper Allan McGregor announced his retirement last week and Ryan Fraser and Callum Paterson were left out owing to concerns over their injury history and the artificial pitch – his management will inevitably be much maligned in the aftermath. Seen as a conservative and staid appointment by many fans, his sides are at least traditionally well organised and difficult to beat. In this match, Scotland were neither.

Actually, this is the only part so far that hasn’t required an apology pic.twitter.com/sC6wXfSTSp

— Oldfirmfacts (@Oldfirmfacts1) March 21, 2019

So bad was Scotland’s performance that fans watching on television took to Twitter to celebrate when the picture dropped out on several occasions. The apology message was greeted with no little irony, given that Sky were generally seen to be doing viewers a favour. If there’s one thing Scotland can’t afford to lose, it’s a sense of humour. At this rate, they may remain trapped in a cycle of frozen qualifiers in post-Soviet successor states for at least the rest of the McLeish era.