Man City 6-3 Man Utd (Foden 8′, 44′, 73′ Haaland 34′, 37′, 65′ | Antony 56′, Martial 84′, pen 90′)
ETIHAD STADIUM – A delirious Etihad bounced to a full-stadium Poznan, the pundits swooned and in the aisles of the stadium’s £360-a-pop Tunnel Club seats, there were semi-serious conversations about whether Erling Haaland’s brutal majesty might see him surpass 50 goals for the season.
Yet where the Etihad saw perfection, Pep Guardiola prowled his technical area, a scowl seemingly tattooed to his face.
His team had drawn angles that Manchester United couldn’t match, moving around the ball like it was an artform. Jack Grealish purred and Kevin De Bruyne’s vision effortlessly wrenched apart a Red Devils defence that Erik Ten Hag had worked for four weeks to studiously stitch together. Phil Foden and Haaland duelled over who might get the match ball after hitting almost perfect hat-tricks.
But Guardiola, as is his way, could barely hide his disgust that a slight drop in the tempo in the second half had bespoiled a masterpiece. You could almost see the Catalan’s cogs whirring: “6-3? What kind of a scoreline is that?”
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Here against a Manchester United team that, let’s remember, has overcome Liverpool and Arsenal recently, they delivered a first 45 minutes so scintillatingly complete that it might just be the best first half in Premier League history. But jabbing his arms at his coaching staff and stamping his feet, he railed against his team’s drop in intensity.
Guardiola believes this team is capable of consistently delivering that standard across 90 minutes. The scary thing? He might just be right.
There was so much to admire here but any conversation about this derby evisceration has to begin with Haaland, whose third successive home hat-trick has catapulted him to a barely believable 17 goals in 13 games for City.
For those who speculated – probably in hope more than expectation – that the Norwegian might not be able to apply his precocious gifts in the frenzy of the Premier League, there has been an abrupt lesson. He is a generational talent, a different sort of player but capable of seamlessly ushering in a new megastar era now that Lionel Messi and Cristiano Ronaldo are in the autumn of their careers.
The latter sat scowling on the bench here, an unused substitute. It felt somewhat appropriate as the new blood coursed through this encounter.
Haaland is an artist disguised as a wrecking ball, so gifted in his movement and touch that you almost forget he dwarfs almost every defender he confronts in the Premier League. His first goal was a towering header that made the most of that attribute, his second a masterpiece of timing his run and then leveraging his sinewy left hamstring to devastating effect.
A third – a smart finish as he timed his arrival in the box to perfection – was proof of the certainty of the man’s touch. He looks unplayable.
— Sky Sports Premier League (@SkySportsPL) October 2, 2022
"𝙒𝙚 𝙜𝙚𝙩 𝙤𝙣𝙚 𝙚𝙖𝙘𝙝, 𝙣𝙤?"
Erling Haaland & Phil Foden on who will get to keep the match ball after they both scored a hat-trick in the Manchester derby. pic.twitter.com/Ics1jT25CZ
The same could be said of City’s homegrown star Foden, another generational talent. His three goals had to wrestle Haaland’s for prominence but this was a special performance of urgency and bravery on the ball. If Gareth Southgate was watching, there is still time to construct a team for Qatar around this Manchester maestro.
It was difficult to measure Manchester United against this brilliant sky blue standard. Did Ten Hag blunder by preferring Scott McTominay to blue riband summer signing Casemiro? Possibly, but it wouldn’t have made a difference.
Did a Diego Dalot caution within seconds betray ring rust from successive shelved Premier League games? Probably. But it wasn’t a factor here.
All they can do is collect the fragments of hope salvaged in a second half where City stepped off the gas, much to the annoyance of Guardiola. Antony’s brilliant goal was supplemented by a pair from returning Anthony Martial that possibly reduced the need for acute crisis management at Old Trafford this week.
But for a brooding Ten Hag, there was still the indignity of witnessing Haaland pumping his arms as trance anthem “No Limit” reverberated around the stadium. For Manchester United and the rest of the Premier League, the worrying thing is there probably isn’t for this ominous City side.
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