After a tournament that delivered almost everything we could have asked, there was always the danger of an anti-climactic final, the kind that persuades the millions of casual watchers that football is boring after all, and encourages summarisers to say things like ‘you can’t help feeling, Clive, that if only England were here…’ But the scriptwriters, so generous throughout the World Cup, had saved some good stuff for the season finale.
There was a kind of montage of the things that we’ve been thrilled and/or tortured by these past few weeks: wildly, almost inappropriately attacking football; a crucial bit of VAR which involved the ref watching a couple of minutes of TV, in front of three billion people also watching their TVs; a huge surge in the Googling of the phrase ‘Croatian president’. But they threw in some melodrama too. An own goal, a penalty and a goal from a crazy goalkeeping error. A pitch invasion by Pussy Riot. And when it was all over, a presentation ceremony in a biblical flood, with Emmanuel Macron in his sodden suit embracing each of ‘his’ players as if they’d returned from captivity.
Read more: France beat Croatia to win World Cup in brilliant, daft final
It was a sendoff typical of a World Cup that has gone out of its way to make us happy. And it should be said at this point, for legal reasons, that references to ‘scriptwriters’ in the first paragraph are entirely made in jest and not intended to imply that any part of the action was stage-managed by, for example, a sinister crypto-dictatorship. But exhilarating as it was, it’s all over. Almost unbelievably, tonight there will be no tinkling music-box ITV theme, no circular debates about what ‘handball’ means. So how are we meant to fill the silence? Here are a couple of ideas to get you through.
Take an interest in other sports
Many football fans taking an inventory of the rest of their lives today will be startled to find that Wimbledon – which normally kills time very well in football’s off-season – has in fact been and gone.
The men’s final took place during France v Croatia, in fact: such bad timing that the players themselves were seen watching the match on their phones during some of the longer rallies. I won’t reveal here who won either the men’s or ladies’ singles, in case you had the foresight to record the entire Wimbledon fortnight and are now settling down for a catch-up.
Enjoy the certainty of a non-VAR world
One way in which everyday life outperforms the World Cup is that decisions tend to be less reversible in ‘real life’. If you apply for an overdraft extension tomorrow and are successful, the other customers will not draw imaginary TVs in the air until the bank manager wanders over to the corner of the room and reviews the evidence.
If you brush against someone on your way out of a restaurant, they’ll stay on their feet if at all possible rather than dropping to their knees with a scream directed at the maître d’. It’s all a bit less exciting than the football has been, but you can’t live at that level of stress all the time.
Rediscover the world beyond football
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There’s a lot of other things you could be doing, you know. A couple of your friends have been having a rough time; maybe time to text them. The weather’s still gloriously warm: why not go for a walk by the river? Radio 4 has some very interesting… I’m sorry, I can’t do this. Life without the World Cup is wretched.
And because Qatar’s too hot for football, the next one doesn’t even start until November 2022. November 21st. It’s in my diary. It’s just a matter of ploughing through the tricky period until then.
More on the World Cup:
Move over, Lionel Messi and Cristiano Ronaldo. The next Ballon D’Or should go to Luka Modric
Don’t listen to the keyboard warriors, Harry Kane is a deserving Golden Boot winner
Gareth Southgate plans ruthless England cull with Gary Cahill first on his list
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