And so the longest season of our lives grinds to an end. Seven players in this England squad were there, last July, in the shorts and t-shirt atmosphere of the Community Shield last July.
They are still here in June, completing an unyieldingly large circle. They’re well-paid, some will say – presumably those who have worked out the regenerative, restorative magic of rubbing £50 notes onto desperately aching muscles to make them heal.
This international break has been a stitch-up for Gareth Southgate, although he is far too polite to concede the point.
Each of the players on media duty has said how much this matters, what an honour it is, and they’re right of course. They did not put in the hard years to dismiss any chance to play for their country.
But there are things that you cannot fake. There is a weariness in the body and behind the eyes, in which you see a reflection of the “Ah s__t, here we go again” meme.
Mostly this is about football’s unending expansionism. The extension of the European Championship to 24 teams has been a success, the friendly opening of the door to those nations who needed a viable destination to give the journey greater meaning.
But it also creates two automatic qualifying spots in a five-team group that has Malta as the whipping boy. England weren’t even in Pot One and drew the hardest team (by ranking) in Pot Three. England have since beaten both.
Between tournaments, an international manager can suffer for their success through a lack of jeopardy. That is the creeping normalisation of qualifying ease, one of Southgate’s greatest achievements in this role. They won in Italy. They swatted Ukraine aside. Win on Monday and they will face Ukraine in September knowing that a win assures qualification with three games to spare.
Look back to relevant history for proof of the shift in expectations and outcome. England have played North Macedonia (they were Macedonia, then) twice at home and failed to win either game. They have never even taken the lead.
In 2002, an XI containing Seaman, Campbell, Cole, Neville, Beckham, Gerrard, Scholes and Owen twice trailed before drawing 2-2. In 2006, Cole, Neville, Terry, Carrick, Gerrard, Lampard and Rooney were all present in a desperate 0-0 draw.
“This is the best group of players we’ve had in a generation,” people say. No, but it might be the best team. There is a difference.
That was back when England last failed to qualify for a major tournament, The Great Waste of individuals who reached Champions League finals in the same way as the Class of 2023 have but never formed a team.
On the touchline stood a manager who never looked fit for purpose, Steve McClaren, with all the latent power of an over-used kitchen mop that could do with replacing. Whatever you say about Southgate – and plenty say plenty – he has moved the needle.
There is always moaning, even in victory. You know the type. It’s not the person who simply doesn’t watch, because that is the act of a reasonable human and they at least tend to keep quiet as the goals go in.
It’s the man (sorry, it’s almost always a man) who feels the need to message the BBC Sport live text page to tell them that it’s so boring that they are going to bed. Cheers mate, thanks for the heads-up. Make sure to let us know when you’ve woken up again because, honestly, we’re all on tenterhooks here.
So let’s leap away from the dullard. The antidote to the lack of jeopardy is the freedom of expression that it provides. Southgate is not going to pick eight attacking players or four No 10s – it’s a different type of person who gets angry at that. But he gave Eberechi Eze his debut against Malta and more may follow later in this cycle, Premier League form dependent: Levi Colwill, Jacob Ramsey, Morgan Gibbs-White, Curtis Jones, Noni Madueke, Adam Webster.
For all his critics, it is something that Southgate excels at. He has selected 27 debutants since the beginning of 2020, too many to list here. Eight of those earned their first cap at the age of 21 and under. Add Jude Bellingham, Reece James and Ben Chilwell to this squad and you could easily pick an entire team in formation: Aaron Ramsdale, James, Colwill, Marc Guehi, Chilwell, Declan Rice, Bellingham, Trent Alexander-Arnold/Conor Gallagher, Phil Foden/Mason Mount, Bukayo Saka/Eze, Marcus Rashford – in which Chilwell would be the eldest statesman at 26. Perhaps these are the good times and we won’t realise until we have left them.
So rather than gripe and grumble about the scheduling and the fatigue and the strange, performative ennui that you just don’t care as much anymore (when that itself is self-evident proof of caring), why not embrace the opportunity to watch an England team free from pressure.
See how the moving parts assemble. Burst with pride at young debutants who are realising their all as you watch from the sofa in your shorts. And if you can’t even manage that, at least know that the rest comes next. We made it. The 2022-23 season – 325 days and out.
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